Humility

In early July, I signed myself up, catching one of the last open spots, in a one month long, online Spanish course I needed. I ignored my screaming intuition that this might be too much and felt good that I would be getting this out of the way before Fall. Then, within the first week, DH wasn't much available for me to study and I didn't get around to any actual book cracking until Wednesday. The professor sent an email to the whole class letting everyone know that the first test deadline had been extended by one day. Well, I thought she meant one day on top of what date was showing on the assignments due page and because of this, I missed the deadline. If she had just left the deadline as it was, I would have struggled through and taken my test on that day. I was devastated because this test was 20% of my grade and based on the one graded assignment I already had completed, there was no way I could possibly do better than a C by this point. I figured I would have to eat humble pie, so I decided to try to get full credit on all the future assignments and take my C in stride. But then I screwed up again, on the last test, instead of watching the real clock for the 10PM deadline, I watched the test window countdown clock to track my time left on the test. It logged me out at 10:15 and I couldn't believe I hadn't realized it was past ten already. I stupidly assumed that the countdown clock was programmed to include the deadline...it wasn't. So since I hadn't given "final" answers on several of my answers yet, I got a D on that test. So I dropped the class today. I feel all twisted up inside. I guess I should count myself lucky that I am not using financial aid, because I know that a student can lose benefits if classes are withdrawn from, but I can't help but feel completely drained for all the work I have done, all $206 I spent on this class, only to have it be a complete waste. A friend told me I need to quit being so hard on myself, but I keep thinking that maybe I am not hard enough on myself, and this is why I haven't accomplished much and I am about to turn 33. I feel like I am running on a hamster wheel.

It's hot. We have had several 100 degree days in a row already. I definitely love summer over winter, but I am looking forward to September weather. It's still hot here then, but less physically exhausting. I also have flabby arms lately, so I kinda look forward to hiding them with sweaters and long sleeves. I realized sometime this year that it's been well over five years since I laid out by a pool alone...so I plan to do so at my neighborhood pool in the mid-morning through afternoons just as soon as those boys are back in Mother's Day Out!

Since the rest of my summer will not be at the library studying Spanish, I have a loose plan to check out those online guitar lesson guides and declutter some more.

I am planning my first son's 4th birthday and DH is letting me go a little expensive this year. I have scheduled the party to be held at a ranch with petting zoo barn, huge mini golf course and pony rides. I think it's going to be a huge hit!

I want to lose 15 lbs. I have gained about 8 lbs since last summer. 15 is probably more than I need to lose, but I am just dying to be skinny again. I have been at this weight for a while now, I was only about 10 lbs lighter before children, but every time I look in the mirror, I feel like I am looking at someone else and someone older. DH said he would add the boys and I to his gym membership. I just hope I start showing up. :)