why haven't I been already

I started working out in a real way for the first time in my nearly 33 years of life and I am truly loving it. The closest I came to working out regularly before now was in 2005. I had joined Lifetime Fitness Center with DH, attended a few yoga classes over three months and did some cardio on the stairmaster a handful of times and visited the pool with my kids once. It was a pathetic waste of money! I figured out I was pregnant with surprise baby #2 when I was three months along and realized that pregnancy had been secretly sabotaging my motivation and energy. We cancelled that membership anyway. It was terribly expensive even at their charter rate and the closest location was still a haul.

When I became pregnant with baby #2, I had JUST hit my pre-baby weight and I wasn't really concerned about my weight to begin with. I assumed it would all melt off without effort within a year the way it did with baby #1. It started to, most likely due to extended breastfeeding. But after I finally weaned completely, a good 10 pounds crept back on and stayed. That was nearly 8 months ago and here I am, still a good 10-15 over what I think I should be.

So I joined LA Fitness and tagged along with DH most times so I wouldn't look totally stupid trying to figure out how to use all the neat machines. BTW, I prefer machines because I don't like hanging out over by the free weights where all the men are and because I like that the machines provide some sort of guidance about proper use.

My main goal is to get skinny arms again, though I need toning throughout! I know cardio is key here, so I was happy to find an eliptical machine I liked (I was always too afraid to try those things) because I truly hate running on treadmills because it makes my boobs bounce too much and after nearly three years of my life spent breastfeeding, that's the last thing my girls need! I have now learned to use most of the machines for my arms and abs goal and I feel comfortable showing up by myself. I tried a yoga class too, it wasn't as good as my previous college yoga courses, but it did leave my thighs sore...and ill-prepared for what came next.

DH convinced me to meet him at a spin cycle class claiming it was the best cardio workout. We were running late and I called his cell to tell him we should probably just work out and skip the class. He insisted that it was no big deal to be late. I arrived five minutes late, ahead of DH. The instructor immediately noticed I was new and came over to me to make the cycle adjustments for me. Um, embarrassing! But I liked her right away for helping me and being so cool about it. DH showed up and got up on the cycle next to me. Warm up was over and standing cycling began and I could not do it. I tried to stand and cycle a few rotations, but had to sit down right away. I thought maybe it was all in my head, I played around with the resistance lever and I tried again a few seconds later, but I had to sit down! I could not believe all these people in class were doing something I could not do! Even one obese woman in front of me could stand and cycle, but I could NOT. I tried a third time and my thighs were trembling. So I surrendered and continued to cycle while seated. I made it through the class without having to give up, but wow, a lesson in humility for sure. Although I was having no part of all the instructors commands, and I think she understood because she even told the class that she could not stand in her first spin class either, I thought she was totally motivating and I will be back in this class again! Maybe after I am in better shape...for my ego's sake anyway.

I emailed a good guy friend who is 38 going on 28 and in perfect body-building shape and has worked as a personal trainer. I had to ask him what was his best advice to get skinny arms. He gave me great tips, told me he knew I had a strong mind and could do it, and then told me that I didn't look bad anyway and that whatever I did would just be "polish" on me. Isn't that so sweet of someone to say?

Here I come!

Humility

In early July, I signed myself up, catching one of the last open spots, in a one month long, online Spanish course I needed. I ignored my screaming intuition that this might be too much and felt good that I would be getting this out of the way before Fall. Then, within the first week, DH wasn't much available for me to study and I didn't get around to any actual book cracking until Wednesday. The professor sent an email to the whole class letting everyone know that the first test deadline had been extended by one day. Well, I thought she meant one day on top of what date was showing on the assignments due page and because of this, I missed the deadline. If she had just left the deadline as it was, I would have struggled through and taken my test on that day. I was devastated because this test was 20% of my grade and based on the one graded assignment I already had completed, there was no way I could possibly do better than a C by this point. I figured I would have to eat humble pie, so I decided to try to get full credit on all the future assignments and take my C in stride. But then I screwed up again, on the last test, instead of watching the real clock for the 10PM deadline, I watched the test window countdown clock to track my time left on the test. It logged me out at 10:15 and I couldn't believe I hadn't realized it was past ten already. I stupidly assumed that the countdown clock was programmed to include the deadline...it wasn't. So since I hadn't given "final" answers on several of my answers yet, I got a D on that test. So I dropped the class today. I feel all twisted up inside. I guess I should count myself lucky that I am not using financial aid, because I know that a student can lose benefits if classes are withdrawn from, but I can't help but feel completely drained for all the work I have done, all $206 I spent on this class, only to have it be a complete waste. A friend told me I need to quit being so hard on myself, but I keep thinking that maybe I am not hard enough on myself, and this is why I haven't accomplished much and I am about to turn 33. I feel like I am running on a hamster wheel.

It's hot. We have had several 100 degree days in a row already. I definitely love summer over winter, but I am looking forward to September weather. It's still hot here then, but less physically exhausting. I also have flabby arms lately, so I kinda look forward to hiding them with sweaters and long sleeves. I realized sometime this year that it's been well over five years since I laid out by a pool alone...so I plan to do so at my neighborhood pool in the mid-morning through afternoons just as soon as those boys are back in Mother's Day Out!

Since the rest of my summer will not be at the library studying Spanish, I have a loose plan to check out those online guitar lesson guides and declutter some more.

I am planning my first son's 4th birthday and DH is letting me go a little expensive this year. I have scheduled the party to be held at a ranch with petting zoo barn, huge mini golf course and pony rides. I think it's going to be a huge hit!

I want to lose 15 lbs. I have gained about 8 lbs since last summer. 15 is probably more than I need to lose, but I am just dying to be skinny again. I have been at this weight for a while now, I was only about 10 lbs lighter before children, but every time I look in the mirror, I feel like I am looking at someone else and someone older. DH said he would add the boys and I to his gym membership. I just hope I start showing up. :)