I had a 30% off coupon with use of my Gap Card only available for a few days. So I trekked up to Gap and BabyGap to spend some dough. I spent $287 on both myself and both of the boys. The original total was $410, so I was thinking I did pretty well. I am not employed, so I do the banking in the family and I knew we were in good shape for me to start replenishing mine and my childrens wardrobes.
DH totally freaked out and became ugly. Not because we can't afford this. His reasons are more about control. I know that if I spent $50 on clothes a week for 6 weeks, he would never blink an eye and would probably be happy with every new ONE clothing item I would show him each week, but I don't have time to try and shop every week just to walk on eggshells and pretend that clothes don't cost money we notice. He apologized after he left and calmed down while taking Beeb to T-Ball practice. Meanwhile, after defending myself and standing my ground (I rarely cry anymore, it makes him worse anyway as he hates weakness) my heartrate was up, I felt like vomiting, and even now, my muscles remain tense for the rest of the entire evening. As he already returned with Beeb hours ago, he now sleeps soundly and without any tension, because nobody ever says disparaging things to him, nobody verbally attacks him, nobody constantly criticizes him, so he must be perfect and right with the world. People who get yelled at are the ones who suck, in his world, the blame the victim stuff of genius.
Why am I strong enough to endure this shit and yet not strong enough to tough out my Spanish class that I just dropped? There should be some sort of Communications Degree for still fighting fair after 8 years.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
school and the rest
This is excerpted from an email I just typed to a friend, I added a few details, changed a few names and removed personal references to her, but it's a good summary of what's up right now and right now is all I can really wrap my head around:
Hey B,
Since we haven't met for coffee...
I am so down. I basically haven't made any progress in my spanish class since Boo broke his leg last month. Now that I am finally getting into a good routine with the management of this spica cast, I realize that that I am at a point of no return and I have to drop the class. I couldn't even play catch up if I wanted, it's an online class and I missed a ton of weekly deadlines that aren't even available for me to access anymore on the webCT. I could have done better, though it would have meant missing Easter, my friends wedding, missing Beeb's t-ball game, missing a great documentary about MLK last night, taking a much needed nap with my kids, spending every spare moment of time doing homework and with a house full of chores to keep up with and kids, I just couldn't bear the pressure. I am so disappointed in myself, it's sick! I hate that I am not organized or highly functional, I hate that I have never been so and I have a sinking feeling that I will never feel that joy in accomplishment that others seem to just find naturally; "goal met, next goal, goal met, next goal, met, next." I think a good fourth of my time is wasted trying to remember what I was going to do next. Because of the nightly care for this cast and changing the wrapping, cleaning, drying, etc...we don't get the boys to sleep until 9:30 and before all of this, I was doing pretty well at getting the lights out by 8PM, so that's a chunk of time taken away from studies as well! wah wah wah. I am however, grateful that Boo and Beeb are both doing so great, being so loving and silly and toddler-ish every day. They have no idea how this cast has stressed me out! Boo doesn't seem to know it's there, he even pulls himself up to cruise along furniture (and about gives me a heart attack!). Beeb can sing along with the song, Sexyback, how funny is that? They are my little boyfriends, seriously, and it's all about them.
The good news with school is, I am only 4 hours away from an AA in general studies...as if that degree matters for any particular field, but with my academia project going as slow as it is, it will be nice that if I have to enter the workforce again, at least I will be able to have something other than "some college." Once again, I am debating what to major in as I have a few options left in my very short list. Instead of International Studies, I am back to thinking English is a good pick for me. Any degree that will be a good springboard to law school one day. Except business degrees, I don't know why, but nothing sounds more boring and typical to me than a business degree!
I am planning to go to Tulsa on Mothers Day Weekend and stay for a few days, like I did last year. I. Can't. Wait. My plans to visit with friends, with their kids, sightsee and dine in Tulsa in December and during the weekend of that wedding in March were thwarted by circumstances beyond my control, it just can't happen a third time. Also, I love the Tulsa weather in May, it's just a perfect time, every time I go home at that time of the year.
W is moving back to Tulsa on April 19. She is still with her boyfriend, but he's staying in Dallas until it is certain that the job she is starting in OK will be lucrative and secure after a couple months of ramp up time. She'll be living at her step-sister's house and training to sell medical insurance to small businesses with someone her mom introduced her to.
Write when you can. I won't have time to meet for coffee until probably after the semester is over.
A
Hey B,
Since we haven't met for coffee...
I am so down. I basically haven't made any progress in my spanish class since Boo broke his leg last month. Now that I am finally getting into a good routine with the management of this spica cast, I realize that that I am at a point of no return and I have to drop the class. I couldn't even play catch up if I wanted, it's an online class and I missed a ton of weekly deadlines that aren't even available for me to access anymore on the webCT. I could have done better, though it would have meant missing Easter, my friends wedding, missing Beeb's t-ball game, missing a great documentary about MLK last night, taking a much needed nap with my kids, spending every spare moment of time doing homework and with a house full of chores to keep up with and kids, I just couldn't bear the pressure. I am so disappointed in myself, it's sick! I hate that I am not organized or highly functional, I hate that I have never been so and I have a sinking feeling that I will never feel that joy in accomplishment that others seem to just find naturally; "goal met, next goal, goal met, next goal, met, next." I think a good fourth of my time is wasted trying to remember what I was going to do next. Because of the nightly care for this cast and changing the wrapping, cleaning, drying, etc...we don't get the boys to sleep until 9:30 and before all of this, I was doing pretty well at getting the lights out by 8PM, so that's a chunk of time taken away from studies as well! wah wah wah. I am however, grateful that Boo and Beeb are both doing so great, being so loving and silly and toddler-ish every day. They have no idea how this cast has stressed me out! Boo doesn't seem to know it's there, he even pulls himself up to cruise along furniture (and about gives me a heart attack!). Beeb can sing along with the song, Sexyback, how funny is that? They are my little boyfriends, seriously, and it's all about them.
The good news with school is, I am only 4 hours away from an AA in general studies...as if that degree matters for any particular field, but with my academia project going as slow as it is, it will be nice that if I have to enter the workforce again, at least I will be able to have something other than "some college." Once again, I am debating what to major in as I have a few options left in my very short list. Instead of International Studies, I am back to thinking English is a good pick for me. Any degree that will be a good springboard to law school one day. Except business degrees, I don't know why, but nothing sounds more boring and typical to me than a business degree!
I am planning to go to Tulsa on Mothers Day Weekend and stay for a few days, like I did last year. I. Can't. Wait. My plans to visit with friends, with their kids, sightsee and dine in Tulsa in December and during the weekend of that wedding in March were thwarted by circumstances beyond my control, it just can't happen a third time. Also, I love the Tulsa weather in May, it's just a perfect time, every time I go home at that time of the year.
W is moving back to Tulsa on April 19. She is still with her boyfriend, but he's staying in Dallas until it is certain that the job she is starting in OK will be lucrative and secure after a couple months of ramp up time. She'll be living at her step-sister's house and training to sell medical insurance to small businesses with someone her mom introduced her to.
Write when you can. I won't have time to meet for coffee until probably after the semester is over.
A
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
The Catalyst
This weekend was a lesson in humility. Perhaps I shouldn't be reading into it so much, but I feel like I have been getting subtle signs for a long time and because I ignored them, this finally happened.
For SIX weeks, I had planned with some of my friends to have a nice dinner out in the city. Before I picked the location, I simply picked the date and had asked my friends if a steak dinner would be a good idea. Everyone expressed interest and said they would go, my closest friend even helped me pick a restaurant. I picked a nice new restaurant with some trendy items on the menu and let everyone know the choice three weeks ago. At the time, the headcount was around 12-15, so I made a reservation. I had invited people from the same general circle who are mainly transplants from my hometown of Tulsa and this was to be a fun reunion of sorts, as some of them hadn't seen each other in several years. The list included, my close local girlfriends and their S.O.'s, my former roommate (male) and his friends from work whom I have known for years, and two girls who I have known for years through a mutual friend in Tulsa. These two have lived here for some time now and for some reason I had not yet befriended them. Shyness and self-absorption and distractability, I suspect.
Three days prior, I got a text message from one of my friends, exclaiming that she was really looking forward to it. The male former roommate also confirmed that he was bringing two of his friends. DH wasn't going to make it, for reasons I will go over shortly.
But by Saturday midday, my phone wasn't ringing. I texted the aforementioned friend to see if she wanted to carpool, since I would be going without DH. She responded that she was sick with the flu. I had a bad feeling about other guests, so I went ahead and called the restaurant to cut the reservation by half. I texted the male roommate, and he finally told me that the other two guys didn't want to go after all, so he was flaking out too, two hours before the reservation. Finally, the original person who I had made these plans with flaked out on me as well, saying that if it wasn't going to be a big party, then she and her S.O. didn't feel like going all out. She offered to grill out at her house. But I hadn't planned six weeks to just go to her house and sit on the patio. I wanted to go out, and I wasn't going to beg her and her guy to take me out somewhere, SO I cancelled the reservation and let the two girls who were still planning to go, know. I barely know these girls and they don't really know each other, so I didn't want to drag them down with me to the city just to have an expensive dinner with no reunion of old friends.
Both of those girls, L and S, called me after receiving my cancel text and were so nice to me! One even offered to just come up to my house and hang out, she was still up for doing something even if it was just me. But at this point I was so stressed and humiliated that I had already given up on the night entirely. I was hungry for the leftover Chick-Fil-A salad in the fridge and I wanted to just take off my makeup and crumple up into a loser ball.
DH was sympathetic, though it felt shallow because earlier he had sorely mistreated me. Plus he is constantly referring to my lack of friends compared to his wealth of them, indicating how superior he is to me. So this whole letdown was just more ammo for him to bring up when he wants to hurt me later, plus it was embarrassing. I suddenly felt stupid for thinking that 11 people would want to go to a fancy dinner with me just because I planned it. My ego was crushed.
Back to the signs part. For years, I have had this nagging feeling that I needed to cut out or cut back on some friendships. Stop living in the past and envisioning myself surrounded by a wealth of friends, sitting in some late night diner downtown in the 1990's. Sure I am still in touch with those who are still local, and due to time invested, they will be around now and then for a long while. But they are not what they were, time has changed things and they have moved on with their lives and I with mine. Or have I? I got married and had kids, each circumstance brought delays in social life, but I always considered this crowd to be mine as if I could just pick up after 3,6,9 years and everyone would still be down for dinner. BTW...they are for the most part, unmarried and in their upper thirties, without kids, so whatever it is keeping them from a social life with me is unknown to me, as kids and family have been really the only thing keeping me from them. The male roommate who finally cancelled actually referred to how pricey he had been told the restaurant was and joked that I could have planned something at Cracker Barrel in the suburbs. I made a mental note, and yes, I probably will try to meet him for supper somewhere like that if I ever plan anything with him in the future. But that's not worth hiring a babysitter, I would just bring them along if that's the case. I was insulted that he mentioned his problem with the restaurant choice with 2 hours to go. Why couldn't he have brought this up three weeks ago?
I believe, this night is to be the catalyst for change. The moment when I really give up on nurturing friendships that aren't doing me any good, the moment when I become a better friend to someone new. I am still baffled why I hadn't already befriended the two girls, L and S, who are both 39 years old, once I would have considered too much older than I, even though they look 29. Inviting them had truly been an afterthought, I figured since they were single, and since a few single guy friends of ours would be there, inviting them would help balance the mix. But I am so glad I made the gesture. I had such a pleasant conversation with L on Saturday, she wants to make plans to have a smaller girls night out later this Spring. She even mentioned that she had always heard that "that" crowd was a little flaky, so that's why she was never that close to them. I feel like I have made a new friend. Maybe one to replace another I have lost.
The reason for DH not planning to go to dinner with me was twofold. First, he didn't want to hire a new babysitter for the boys, his mother wasn't available to watch them, nor was their former caregiver who is also my neighbor, therefore, DH opted to stay home with them and let me go. I was disappointed, but it wasn't stopping me from going. But then, secondly, last week, my youngest broke his leg and is now in a spica cast. Even if I had been able to hire a new babysitter, DH and I wouldn't have trusted someone else to properly care for the cast while diapering, so DH would have stayed home anyway.
Thinking about the weekend exhausts me. I am already so tired. I am behind in my studies, now further behind due to my son's leg break and considering dropping one of my electives.
My envision for the weekend was completely all in my head. I won't be doing this again, with these friends. Hopefully, they will try to make plans with me individually in the future, but I am not going to be holding my breath and waiting for their call. It's time to move on, nurture new friendships, stop being so "loyal" to people who probably aren't even thinking of me and find a different crowd.
I have to make note, I do have a handful of close friendships with people who mean much more to me than the majority of my local friends. Unfortunately, they are scattered throughout the country, one in L.A., one in Chicago, and a few in Tulsa.
Someday, this is all going to be better. Too bad it seems to move at geologic time, a time when I both want faster change in my life and slower change from my children, who are growing faster than I am evolving.
For SIX weeks, I had planned with some of my friends to have a nice dinner out in the city. Before I picked the location, I simply picked the date and had asked my friends if a steak dinner would be a good idea. Everyone expressed interest and said they would go, my closest friend even helped me pick a restaurant. I picked a nice new restaurant with some trendy items on the menu and let everyone know the choice three weeks ago. At the time, the headcount was around 12-15, so I made a reservation. I had invited people from the same general circle who are mainly transplants from my hometown of Tulsa and this was to be a fun reunion of sorts, as some of them hadn't seen each other in several years. The list included, my close local girlfriends and their S.O.'s, my former roommate (male) and his friends from work whom I have known for years, and two girls who I have known for years through a mutual friend in Tulsa. These two have lived here for some time now and for some reason I had not yet befriended them. Shyness and self-absorption and distractability, I suspect.
Three days prior, I got a text message from one of my friends, exclaiming that she was really looking forward to it. The male former roommate also confirmed that he was bringing two of his friends. DH wasn't going to make it, for reasons I will go over shortly.
But by Saturday midday, my phone wasn't ringing. I texted the aforementioned friend to see if she wanted to carpool, since I would be going without DH. She responded that she was sick with the flu. I had a bad feeling about other guests, so I went ahead and called the restaurant to cut the reservation by half. I texted the male roommate, and he finally told me that the other two guys didn't want to go after all, so he was flaking out too, two hours before the reservation. Finally, the original person who I had made these plans with flaked out on me as well, saying that if it wasn't going to be a big party, then she and her S.O. didn't feel like going all out. She offered to grill out at her house. But I hadn't planned six weeks to just go to her house and sit on the patio. I wanted to go out, and I wasn't going to beg her and her guy to take me out somewhere, SO I cancelled the reservation and let the two girls who were still planning to go, know. I barely know these girls and they don't really know each other, so I didn't want to drag them down with me to the city just to have an expensive dinner with no reunion of old friends.
Both of those girls, L and S, called me after receiving my cancel text and were so nice to me! One even offered to just come up to my house and hang out, she was still up for doing something even if it was just me. But at this point I was so stressed and humiliated that I had already given up on the night entirely. I was hungry for the leftover Chick-Fil-A salad in the fridge and I wanted to just take off my makeup and crumple up into a loser ball.
DH was sympathetic, though it felt shallow because earlier he had sorely mistreated me. Plus he is constantly referring to my lack of friends compared to his wealth of them, indicating how superior he is to me. So this whole letdown was just more ammo for him to bring up when he wants to hurt me later, plus it was embarrassing. I suddenly felt stupid for thinking that 11 people would want to go to a fancy dinner with me just because I planned it. My ego was crushed.
Back to the signs part. For years, I have had this nagging feeling that I needed to cut out or cut back on some friendships. Stop living in the past and envisioning myself surrounded by a wealth of friends, sitting in some late night diner downtown in the 1990's. Sure I am still in touch with those who are still local, and due to time invested, they will be around now and then for a long while. But they are not what they were, time has changed things and they have moved on with their lives and I with mine. Or have I? I got married and had kids, each circumstance brought delays in social life, but I always considered this crowd to be mine as if I could just pick up after 3,6,9 years and everyone would still be down for dinner. BTW...they are for the most part, unmarried and in their upper thirties, without kids, so whatever it is keeping them from a social life with me is unknown to me, as kids and family have been really the only thing keeping me from them. The male roommate who finally cancelled actually referred to how pricey he had been told the restaurant was and joked that I could have planned something at Cracker Barrel in the suburbs. I made a mental note, and yes, I probably will try to meet him for supper somewhere like that if I ever plan anything with him in the future. But that's not worth hiring a babysitter, I would just bring them along if that's the case. I was insulted that he mentioned his problem with the restaurant choice with 2 hours to go. Why couldn't he have brought this up three weeks ago?
I believe, this night is to be the catalyst for change. The moment when I really give up on nurturing friendships that aren't doing me any good, the moment when I become a better friend to someone new. I am still baffled why I hadn't already befriended the two girls, L and S, who are both 39 years old, once I would have considered too much older than I, even though they look 29. Inviting them had truly been an afterthought, I figured since they were single, and since a few single guy friends of ours would be there, inviting them would help balance the mix. But I am so glad I made the gesture. I had such a pleasant conversation with L on Saturday, she wants to make plans to have a smaller girls night out later this Spring. She even mentioned that she had always heard that "that" crowd was a little flaky, so that's why she was never that close to them. I feel like I have made a new friend. Maybe one to replace another I have lost.
The reason for DH not planning to go to dinner with me was twofold. First, he didn't want to hire a new babysitter for the boys, his mother wasn't available to watch them, nor was their former caregiver who is also my neighbor, therefore, DH opted to stay home with them and let me go. I was disappointed, but it wasn't stopping me from going. But then, secondly, last week, my youngest broke his leg and is now in a spica cast. Even if I had been able to hire a new babysitter, DH and I wouldn't have trusted someone else to properly care for the cast while diapering, so DH would have stayed home anyway.
Thinking about the weekend exhausts me. I am already so tired. I am behind in my studies, now further behind due to my son's leg break and considering dropping one of my electives.
My envision for the weekend was completely all in my head. I won't be doing this again, with these friends. Hopefully, they will try to make plans with me individually in the future, but I am not going to be holding my breath and waiting for their call. It's time to move on, nurture new friendships, stop being so "loyal" to people who probably aren't even thinking of me and find a different crowd.
I have to make note, I do have a handful of close friendships with people who mean much more to me than the majority of my local friends. Unfortunately, they are scattered throughout the country, one in L.A., one in Chicago, and a few in Tulsa.
Someday, this is all going to be better. Too bad it seems to move at geologic time, a time when I both want faster change in my life and slower change from my children, who are growing faster than I am evolving.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
The Eyes Room
Last Christmas, my older son received a "Cars" movie Lightning McQueen television and dvd player. It's very cute. When it is idle, the eyes roll around the screen:
My son was two at the time and he was initially frightened by the eyes. He was barely speaking clearly at the time, it took us a while to recognize that he wasn't saying "ice!" We put the tv in the spare bedroom and although he was over his fear of the rolling eyes within a few days, the room has been known as the "Eyes Room" ever since.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Nobody to go have drinks with!
I just finished my last final exam this semester! Because I do not have anybody to go grab a drink and celebrate with, on the way home from class, I returned a phone call from my best local friend. She was inviting me to join her later this week at a free encore screening of the new independent movie, "Juno." Okay, could the timing of this invitation be any more perfect? I have not had nearly enough girltime this season.
Saturday, I attended an "annual" Christmas party with DH, thrown by his best friends from HS. The last party was two years ago, so this reunion of sorts was long overdue. As I predicted, I did smoke too many cigarettes and drank too much; three pomegranate martini's. I think I talked everyone's ear off, accidentally insulted the host by wanting to share with her my interests in recycling, provoked confusion upon trying to explain why it's not tobacco that's so bad, it's all the chemicals added in...ah...the "shut up Andrea" switch just never works anymore. I was literally known as this silent girl all through my school years and I don't know what happened and why I became such a chatster. I did have some awesome and meaningful convo with a Russian immigrant and fellow SAHM I met, I need to contact the host to get her contact info! I need friends.
Sunday, I nursed a mean hangover and tried to study for finals, but...it didn't go too well and I took a long nap while the DH and the kids were out shopping and dining without me.
Now to write that wishlist!
Saturday, I attended an "annual" Christmas party with DH, thrown by his best friends from HS. The last party was two years ago, so this reunion of sorts was long overdue. As I predicted, I did smoke too many cigarettes and drank too much; three pomegranate martini's. I think I talked everyone's ear off, accidentally insulted the host by wanting to share with her my interests in recycling, provoked confusion upon trying to explain why it's not tobacco that's so bad, it's all the chemicals added in...ah...the "shut up Andrea" switch just never works anymore. I was literally known as this silent girl all through my school years and I don't know what happened and why I became such a chatster. I did have some awesome and meaningful convo with a Russian immigrant and fellow SAHM I met, I need to contact the host to get her contact info! I need friends.
Sunday, I nursed a mean hangover and tried to study for finals, but...it didn't go too well and I took a long nap while the DH and the kids were out shopping and dining without me.
Now to write that wishlist!
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Return to leisure within reach
By this time next week, I will be done with this semester. I am going to really miss my classmates in this intensive enviro sci class I am in. Two of them signed up to take a Geology class next semester, so I registered for the same class. I have really hated all the busywork required in this class. I have certainly learned a lot, but at this point, I actually do not care to learn a lot. I would rather just learn enough to get the credit and move on, school seems like it is just taking forever. The classmates I have gotten to know are in their mid-twenties and are all either married, divorced, or in a relationship. Only one of them has children, but not as young as mine are. Unlike my classmates, I am never in a hurry for class to end. I don't mind when the professor takes up the entire 3 hour class period. I only have home to return to...the same place I am stuck all day. School is my social life.
But I do have a Christmas party to look forward to this Saturday! And the weather is supposed to be mild, with lows in the mid-60's. This means I will probably be hanging out on the porch smoking cigarettes with the girls. I smoked from age 15-22, mostly on weekends and while drinking. I "quit" around the time I moved to Dallas, though I would occasionally "bum" from smokers if I happened to be around them, because the majority of my friends then weren't smokers. It was easy to quit, I was never addicted in the classic way. I think I never really smoked enough to become addicted. If I didn't have weekend plans, a pack used to last me a week or more. But...I do miss smoking (boo!! hiss!!). I am not afraid to admit it. It feels good (the nicotine, not the smoke in the lungs) and it just makes things seem cooler and laid back. I just wish that big tobacco companies would quit putting so many ridiculous chemicals in their cigarettes. WTF is cyanide in there? I am not enough of a smoker, or a tobacco conoisseur, to purchase organic cigarettes, if such a thing is easily available somewhere. That would be nice though, wouldn't it? Anyway. This home Christmas party is always a good time, I can't wait. So worth missing out on some studying time. I hope to kick out the boys on Sunday so I can "geek-out" (thanks AJ) on homework all alone and get this material down.
I noticed this while working on a group research project last week. Two spaces after each sentence is no longer the standard according to the MLA. 2 of 4 of us in the research group type two spaces after our sentences. MLA guidelines say that either is okay, it depends on the professor. Apparently the two space rule applied to typewriter use. Since everyone uses electronic software that automatically adjusts paragraph spacing now, it is no longer necessary. Okay, I didn't get the memo. So any suggestions about how to get myself out of the reflexive habit?!?! I feel like I sound old complaining about this. The other person in my class who types two spaces is only 22, so I didn't feel so bad after knowing that it wasn't just me. Apparently, she must have been taught by an old school professor. Oh, these little obsessions. We got an A BTW. AJ and I stayed up until 4AM working on the project via Yahoo IM. I never do that. If not for AJ's obsession for perfection, I would have wrapped it up by at least 1AM, I am 7 years older than she is, I know my limits and I can allow myself to say, "it just isn't worth it."
After this semester is over, I plan to blog more, figure out a good agenda for my mini-trip back to Tulsa, plan a pampered chef party that I got suckered into hosting (WTF am I going to invite?), figure out how to make Christmas gift buying easy on myself this year (i.e., as much as I loathe them, it's going to be giftcards galore this year...blame it on school), and finally, I want to finish reading a book I started back in August.
Back to the boredom of all the enviro science I never wanted to know.
Peace!
But I do have a Christmas party to look forward to this Saturday! And the weather is supposed to be mild, with lows in the mid-60's. This means I will probably be hanging out on the porch smoking cigarettes with the girls. I smoked from age 15-22, mostly on weekends and while drinking. I "quit" around the time I moved to Dallas, though I would occasionally "bum" from smokers if I happened to be around them, because the majority of my friends then weren't smokers. It was easy to quit, I was never addicted in the classic way. I think I never really smoked enough to become addicted. If I didn't have weekend plans, a pack used to last me a week or more. But...I do miss smoking (boo!! hiss!!). I am not afraid to admit it. It feels good (the nicotine, not the smoke in the lungs) and it just makes things seem cooler and laid back. I just wish that big tobacco companies would quit putting so many ridiculous chemicals in their cigarettes. WTF is cyanide in there? I am not enough of a smoker, or a tobacco conoisseur, to purchase organic cigarettes, if such a thing is easily available somewhere. That would be nice though, wouldn't it? Anyway. This home Christmas party is always a good time, I can't wait. So worth missing out on some studying time. I hope to kick out the boys on Sunday so I can "geek-out" (thanks AJ) on homework all alone and get this material down.
I noticed this while working on a group research project last week. Two spaces after each sentence is no longer the standard according to the MLA. 2 of 4 of us in the research group type two spaces after our sentences. MLA guidelines say that either is okay, it depends on the professor. Apparently the two space rule applied to typewriter use. Since everyone uses electronic software that automatically adjusts paragraph spacing now, it is no longer necessary. Okay, I didn't get the memo. So any suggestions about how to get myself out of the reflexive habit?!?! I feel like I sound old complaining about this. The other person in my class who types two spaces is only 22, so I didn't feel so bad after knowing that it wasn't just me. Apparently, she must have been taught by an old school professor. Oh, these little obsessions. We got an A BTW. AJ and I stayed up until 4AM working on the project via Yahoo IM. I never do that. If not for AJ's obsession for perfection, I would have wrapped it up by at least 1AM, I am 7 years older than she is, I know my limits and I can allow myself to say, "it just isn't worth it."
After this semester is over, I plan to blog more, figure out a good agenda for my mini-trip back to Tulsa, plan a pampered chef party that I got suckered into hosting (WTF am I going to invite?), figure out how to make Christmas gift buying easy on myself this year (i.e., as much as I loathe them, it's going to be giftcards galore this year...blame it on school), and finally, I want to finish reading a book I started back in August.
Back to the boredom of all the enviro science I never wanted to know.
Peace!
Friday, November 23, 2007
Thanks on a Black Friday
Thanksgiving at the in-laws was the usual. My apple butter pumpkin pie was a hit, though I noticed it was a bit more sour than the year before. DH planned to hit the doorbusters this morning, but he did not wake up until after 6 AM, so he "missed" a few opportunities on electronics. Instead he shopped through the late morning for good deals on less sought after merch, such as sheets and khaki slacks. DH also upgraded our nearly 3 year old cell phones while he was out, my new one is red and quite pretty. There were no Black Friday deals, today was just a good day to get some tasks accomplished.
I have about 5 assignments due within the next five days and I am stressing out. Unfortunately, I work best under pressure and even though I have very little time this weekend to complete my work, because it is all five days out, I can't seem to wrap my head around it all right now. I can never get in the right mindset until crunch time! I have been this way for my entire life, seriously, I recall procrastinating homework in 2nd grade. I do not know how to change, though I desperately want to. I suspect that there is a prescription drug for this problem, only I am too afraid to ingest any more chemicals than I already do in this chemical soup of a world.
One of my assignments this week is to complete a chemical exposure profile. I have only researched some of the basics so far, shampoo, makeup, toothpaste...and all of the products I use are of moderate risk and contain plenty of chemicals I don't want. That's not even including the ones I don't have a choice about, like second-hand smoke and car exhaust on the road.
lunch break time...and no, it ain't a turkey sandwich.
I have about 5 assignments due within the next five days and I am stressing out. Unfortunately, I work best under pressure and even though I have very little time this weekend to complete my work, because it is all five days out, I can't seem to wrap my head around it all right now. I can never get in the right mindset until crunch time! I have been this way for my entire life, seriously, I recall procrastinating homework in 2nd grade. I do not know how to change, though I desperately want to. I suspect that there is a prescription drug for this problem, only I am too afraid to ingest any more chemicals than I already do in this chemical soup of a world.
One of my assignments this week is to complete a chemical exposure profile. I have only researched some of the basics so far, shampoo, makeup, toothpaste...and all of the products I use are of moderate risk and contain plenty of chemicals I don't want. That's not even including the ones I don't have a choice about, like second-hand smoke and car exhaust on the road.
lunch break time...and no, it ain't a turkey sandwich.
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